I NEVER KNEW

Lately my posts could be perceived as slightly mundane but I perceive it as getting closer and closer to where it is that I’m really suppose to be mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc.

In combination with a cold caught from the rain, after already not feeling that well, I started to reflect this week on my past. Specifically my high school years. I have been out of high school for going on three years now and these past three years have been taxing because I’ve learned more in these past three years about life and who I want to be than ever before. The saddest part about my past I’d say is the loss of a possible love. I am someone who believes that there is someone out there for every individual with whom they’re meant to spend their life with. Well although I don’t believe that you can’t find love after missing out on that person or deciding to not give that person a chance. I do believe there’s a window of time for that one individual who was made especially for you. That person for me was a guy I befriended in eighth grade. We were friends, we were young, and we were goofy as ever. Young, careless, and not aware of what life was to bring us. Although I was a little more mature for my age due to having all older siblings and hanging around my older family members for the majority of my life, there were still areas in which I was clueless on how to handle. Opening myself up to someone who clearly cared about me and wanted to give me the time of day was one of those areas. I was so caught up with looks, and what I thought other people were thinking and would think about me if I was to enter a relationship with him like he wanted us to, that I couldn’t see a good thing if it had smacked me in the face. Now that I think about it we could have been the Dionne and Murray of that school. If only I had paid attention to Clueless sooner.

In all seriousness, that person and I don’t talk anymore and I rarely see him but I do know that he and the group of friends that we shared could have been great additives to my life and my growth as a person if I had valued them more. I can say that I remember my mother telling me to be open to the possibilities and to not be so closed off to someone who clearly cared about me because I was young and it was okay to take risks and see where things take you. But she also told me over the course of the past two days that even though I made this mistake of not fostering these relationships, I’m at another prime time in my life and I need to focus on the now so that I don’t miss it. And I am going to take this advice unlike those years ago, and I’m going to seize this moment even if it takes everything in me because I know that love is real and what’s meant to be will be. I’ll probably elaborate more on this subject in another post but for now…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

P.S. Never say no to love when you feel it blooming truthfully and from a pure place.

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