I NEVER KNEW

Lately my posts could be perceived as slightly mundane but I perceive it as getting closer and closer to where it is that I’m really suppose to be mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc.

In combination with a cold caught from the rain, after already not feeling that well, I started to reflect this week on my past. Specifically my high school years. I have been out of high school for going on three years now and these past three years have been taxing because I’ve learned more in these past three years about life and who I want to be than ever before. The saddest part about my past I’d say is the loss of a possible love. I am someone who believes that there is someone out there for every individual with whom they’re meant to spend their life with. Well although I don’t believe that you can’t find love after missing out on that person or deciding to not give that person a chance. I do believe there’s a window of time for that one individual who was made especially for you. That person for me was a guy I befriended in eighth grade. We were friends, we were young, and we were goofy as ever. Young, careless, and not aware of what life was to bring us. Although I was a little more mature for my age due to having all older siblings and hanging around my older family members for the majority of my life, there were still areas in which I was clueless on how to handle. Opening myself up to someone who clearly cared about me and wanted to give me the time of day was one of those areas. I was so caught up with looks, and what I thought other people were thinking and would think about me if I was to enter a relationship with him like he wanted us to, that I couldn’t see a good thing if it had smacked me in the face. Now that I think about it we could have been the Dionne and Murray of that school. If only I had paid attention to Clueless sooner.

In all seriousness, that person and I don’t talk anymore and I rarely see him but I do know that he and the group of friends that we shared could have been great additives to my life and my growth as a person if I had valued them more. I can say that I remember my mother telling me to be open to the possibilities and to not be so closed off to someone who clearly cared about me because I was young and it was okay to take risks and see where things take you. But she also told me over the course of the past two days that even though I made this mistake of not fostering these relationships, I’m at another prime time in my life and I need to focus on the now so that I don’t miss it. And I am going to take this advice unlike those years ago, and I’m going to seize this moment even if it takes everything in me because I know that love is real and what’s meant to be will be. I’ll probably elaborate more on this subject in another post but for now…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

P.S. Never say no to love when you feel it blooming truthfully and from a pure place.

WINDFALL

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source: tallncurly.com

I was just thinking today about how weird life is. Many people have described it as a rollercoaster because as all of us can attest there are the given ups and downs. But there are also those times when you’ve gotten to the part of the ride that doesn’t make your stomach drop too much and brings out the laugh, it’s the funniest part of the ride thus far. But then imagine all of a sudden the ride jolting to an unexpected stop because the ride has malfunctioned. And you wonder to yourself, “What in the world just happened?!”

That’s where I am in my life and it’s the most unsettling feeling because I just knew that I was finally in a place of acceptance. But a person can only accept so much. I know that this too shall pass. And I have a feeling that although the ride has come to a jolting stop I can get it riding again if I keep moving on. If I throw out the kinks through busying myself with things that make me happy. Maybe pick up a new hobby, take lessons on an instrument I’ve always wanted to play, lose the rest of those unwanted pounds, continue to work towards receiving great grades in my classes. I know that this is a trial that I’ve been given for a reason and if I decide to take it with a grain of salt I’ll find myself bloom more than ever before. This RAENEWED LIFESTYLE is kicking me in the buttocks. But I’m still…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

P.S. Sometimes when you feel like you’re crashing God has waiting for you a windfall.