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I know it sounds a little crazy but today I went to get something to eat with my mother and the cashier at the restaurant was literally one of the most attractive guys I’ve ever seen. He was masculine with no signs if femininity (which is so important). And he seems to have a really cool, mild-mannered personality. Everything about him was working for me and I just wanted so bad to strike up a conversation and move forward, you know get a number, something. But, I was stopped by something big inside me at this moment in my life and that is my infinite will to be in love with myself before falling in love with another. And I know that talking to a guy doesn’t mean I’m going to marry him but I tend to just look at the bigger picture and I feel like before entering that whole territory of being open to other people and I have some things that I want to get right with self.

My lack of confidence, my low self-esteem, and dissatisfaction with my state of health and ability to be comfortable in my own body since fourth grade is something I’ve always wanted to fix. I remember hearing a character in a movie say, “If you want to change me something about yourself, then change it.” And that’s so true, why continue to wait to change things about myself for myself that will allow me to move further, faster, and more efficiently into the future. I want to be sure in who I am so I feel as if I have myself prepared and ready so that I can be open to relationships and other great things. I want to find a way to be my own hair whisperer even if that means listening to what hairdresser it responds to best. I want to be able to in any moment present an aspect of my personality eloquently and neatly through my fashion.  I want to be and present the best version of myself on the regular.

One of the easiest ways to get closer to achieving a goal is setting a reasonable goal for yourself. So in getting to my best state of health I’ve found some great inspirations. Individuals who have a similar body frame as I do, to make my body goals more realistic and solid. These two individuals for me are Hayden Panettiere and Christina Milian. I also draw from healthy lifestyle inspirations like Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan. and fashion inspirations like Zendaya and Tracee Ellis Ross. Hair inspirations like Tracee Ellis Ross and all the other fierce naturals that I see on Pinterest. So for now I’ll keep working on myself and my health goals so that I can move confidently into my next phase of life. I want my physicality to solidify my spirituality, so that every part of me can work strongly together as one.