BACK TO WILLPOWER AND ON TO LOVE

This will be my last blog post for awhile, I have really enjoyed writing to my petite audience over the course of the last few months. And I thank you all for allowing me to be open with you about the various aspects of my life and journey to my RAENEWED LIFESTYLE. I have learned so much these last few months about dedication to healthy living which has so much to do with exercising and eating well but also as much to do with relationships and mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

I’ve gone back to willpower in the sense that my first post on this blog pertained to willpower and how it is an essential part of making healthy eating choices and pushing yourself to go exercise. And just this past weekend when I went to visit a friend I succeeded in putting my willpower into action by saying no to all the bad eating habits that I usually partake in when with friends. I was so proud of myself and I felt the best I’ve felt in a long time, and very confident in my skin. That confidence also had a lot to do with my success on my hair journey which I discussed in an earlier post. I was originally striving to wear my hair in it’s most natural state but now I’m back to the basics of getting my natural hair blow dried, and then heat styled with a curling iron. And I am so happy with it because it’s the hairstyle that I maintained during some of the happiest periods in my life.

On to love, I contacted the guy that I referred to in my last post and it’s not that I will find love with him. But it’s more about what I’ve found I value the most after having ample time over the last three years to reflect about my life, my regrets, and my mistakes. I really value more than anything, love. And I want to obtain love and I want to experience being in a relationship with the love of my life. Whoever that may be. I want to have quality, loyal, trustworthy friendships. And I want to have smooth relationships with all of my relatives. I also want to fall in love with my dream again and pursue it with vigor. These two songs below describe a lot of what I feel about love and life in the present. And we’ll all just have to wait and see what the future holds. As always…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

I NEVER KNEW

Lately my posts could be perceived as slightly mundane but I perceive it as getting closer and closer to where it is that I’m really suppose to be mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc.

In combination with a cold caught from the rain, after already not feeling that well, I started to reflect this week on my past. Specifically my high school years. I have been out of high school for going on three years now and these past three years have been taxing because I’ve learned more in these past three years about life and who I want to be than ever before. The saddest part about my past I’d say is the loss of a possible love. I am someone who believes that there is someone out there for every individual with whom they’re meant to spend their life with. Well although I don’t believe that you can’t find love after missing out on that person or deciding to not give that person a chance. I do believe there’s a window of time for that one individual who was made especially for you. That person for me was a guy I befriended in eighth grade. We were friends, we were young, and we were goofy as ever. Young, careless, and not aware of what life was to bring us. Although I was a little more mature for my age due to having all older siblings and hanging around my older family members for the majority of my life, there were still areas in which I was clueless on how to handle. Opening myself up to someone who clearly cared about me and wanted to give me the time of day was one of those areas. I was so caught up with looks, and what I thought other people were thinking and would think about me if I was to enter a relationship with him like he wanted us to, that I couldn’t see a good thing if it had smacked me in the face. Now that I think about it we could have been the Dionne and Murray of that school. If only I had paid attention to Clueless sooner.

In all seriousness, that person and I don’t talk anymore and I rarely see him but I do know that he and the group of friends that we shared could have been great additives to my life and my growth as a person if I had valued them more. I can say that I remember my mother telling me to be open to the possibilities and to not be so closed off to someone who clearly cared about me because I was young and it was okay to take risks and see where things take you. But she also told me over the course of the past two days that even though I made this mistake of not fostering these relationships, I’m at another prime time in my life and I need to focus on the now so that I don’t miss it. And I am going to take this advice unlike those years ago, and I’m going to seize this moment even if it takes everything in me because I know that love is real and what’s meant to be will be. I’ll probably elaborate more on this subject in another post but for now…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

P.S. Never say no to love when you feel it blooming truthfully and from a pure place.

WINDFALL

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source: tallncurly.com

I was just thinking today about how weird life is. Many people have described it as a rollercoaster because as all of us can attest there are the given ups and downs. But there are also those times when you’ve gotten to the part of the ride that doesn’t make your stomach drop too much and brings out the laugh, it’s the funniest part of the ride thus far. But then imagine all of a sudden the ride jolting to an unexpected stop because the ride has malfunctioned. And you wonder to yourself, “What in the world just happened?!”

That’s where I am in my life and it’s the most unsettling feeling because I just knew that I was finally in a place of acceptance. But a person can only accept so much. I know that this too shall pass. And I have a feeling that although the ride has come to a jolting stop I can get it riding again if I keep moving on. If I throw out the kinks through busying myself with things that make me happy. Maybe pick up a new hobby, take lessons on an instrument I’ve always wanted to play, lose the rest of those unwanted pounds, continue to work towards receiving great grades in my classes. I know that this is a trial that I’ve been given for a reason and if I decide to take it with a grain of salt I’ll find myself bloom more than ever before. This RAENEWED LIFESTYLE is kicking me in the buttocks. But I’m still…

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE

P.S. Sometimes when you feel like you’re crashing God has waiting for you a windfall.

WORKING TOWARDS IT ALL

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I know it sounds a little crazy but today I went to get something to eat with my mother and the cashier at the restaurant was literally one of the most attractive guys I’ve ever seen. He was masculine with no signs if femininity (which is so important). And he seems to have a really cool, mild-mannered personality. Everything about him was working for me and I just wanted so bad to strike up a conversation and move forward, you know get a number, something. But, I was stopped by something big inside me at this moment in my life and that is my infinite will to be in love with myself before falling in love with another. And I know that talking to a guy doesn’t mean I’m going to marry him but I tend to just look at the bigger picture and I feel like before entering that whole territory of being open to other people and I have some things that I want to get right with self.

My lack of confidence, my low self-esteem, and dissatisfaction with my state of health and ability to be comfortable in my own body since fourth grade is something I’ve always wanted to fix. I remember hearing a character in a movie say, “If you want to change me something about yourself, then change it.” And that’s so true, why continue to wait to change things about myself for myself that will allow me to move further, faster, and more efficiently into the future. I want to be sure in who I am so I feel as if I have myself prepared and ready so that I can be open to relationships and other great things. I want to find a way to be my own hair whisperer even if that means listening to what hairdresser it responds to best. I want to be able to in any moment present an aspect of my personality eloquently and neatly through my fashion.  I want to be and present the best version of myself on the regular.

One of the easiest ways to get closer to achieving a goal is setting a reasonable goal for yourself. So in getting to my best state of health I’ve found some great inspirations. Individuals who have a similar body frame as I do, to make my body goals more realistic and solid. These two individuals for me are Hayden Panettiere and Christina Milian. I also draw from healthy lifestyle inspirations like Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan. and fashion inspirations like Zendaya and Tracee Ellis Ross. Hair inspirations like Tracee Ellis Ross and all the other fierce naturals that I see on Pinterest. So for now I’ll keep working on myself and my health goals so that I can move confidently into my next phase of life. I want my physicality to solidify my spirituality, so that every part of me can work strongly together as one.

Committed, RAENEWED LIFESTYLE