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I was just thinking today about how weird life is. Many people have described it as a rollercoaster because as all of us can attest there are the given ups and downs. But there are also those times when you’ve gotten to the part of the ride that doesn’t make your stomach drop too much and brings out the laugh, it’s the funniest part of the ride thus far. But then imagine all of a sudden the ride jolting to an unexpected stop because the ride has malfunctioned. And you wonder to yourself, “What in the world just happened?!”

That’s where I am in my life and it’s the most unsettling feeling because I just knew that I was finally in a place of acceptance. But a person can only accept so much. I know that this too shall pass. And I have a feeling that although the ride has come to a jolting stop I can get it riding again if I keep moving on. If I throw out the kinks through busying myself with things that make me happy. Maybe pick up a new hobby, take lessons on an instrument I’ve always wanted to play, lose the rest of those unwanted pounds, continue to work towards receiving great grades in my classes. I know that this is a trial that I’ve been given for a reason and if I decide to take it with a grain of salt I’ll find myself bloom more than ever before. This RAENEWED LIFESTYLE is kicking me in the buttocks. But I’m still…


P.S. Sometimes when you feel like you’re crashing God has waiting for you a windfall.



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I know it sounds a little crazy but today I went to get something to eat with my mother and the cashier at the restaurant was literally one of the most attractive guys I’ve ever seen. He was masculine with no signs if femininity (which is so important). And he seems to have a really cool, mild-mannered personality. Everything about him was working for me and I just wanted so bad to strike up a conversation and move forward, you know get a number, something. But, I was stopped by something big inside me at this moment in my life and that is my infinite will to be in love with myself before falling in love with another. And I know that talking to a guy doesn’t mean I’m going to marry him but I tend to just look at the bigger picture and I feel like before entering that whole territory of being open to other people and I have some things that I want to get right with self.

My lack of confidence, my low self-esteem, and dissatisfaction with my state of health and ability to be comfortable in my own body since fourth grade is something I’ve always wanted to fix. I remember hearing a character in a movie say, “If you want to change me something about yourself, then change it.” And that’s so true, why continue to wait to change things about myself for myself that will allow me to move further, faster, and more efficiently into the future. I want to be sure in who I am so I feel as if I have myself prepared and ready so that I can be open to relationships and other great things. I want to find a way to be my own hair whisperer even if that means listening to what hairdresser it responds to best. I want to be able to in any moment present an aspect of my personality eloquently and neatly through my fashion.  I want to be and present the best version of myself on the regular.

One of the easiest ways to get closer to achieving a goal is setting a reasonable goal for yourself. So in getting to my best state of health I’ve found some great inspirations. Individuals who have a similar body frame as I do, to make my body goals more realistic and solid. These two individuals for me are Hayden Panettiere and Christina Milian. I also draw from healthy lifestyle inspirations like Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan. and fashion inspirations like Zendaya and Tracee Ellis Ross. Hair inspirations like Tracee Ellis Ross and all the other fierce naturals that I see on Pinterest. So for now I’ll keep working on myself and my health goals so that I can move confidently into my next phase of life. I want my physicality to solidify my spirituality, so that every part of me can work strongly together as one.




Today I conquered cycling once again and although it was part torture, I find it gets easier every time because with more practice my body adjusts more. I’ve seen the success of putting the time in to exercise on a regular basis. It works, and it gets me the results that I’m looking for. It took a lot in me today to force my way to the cycling class but I just had to because I know that come summer I want to be in a better place. And I understand that better place cannot come to be unless I make better choices concerning my health. With the right change will come the results I’m looking for.

I know that it’s going to continue to take pushing my way to each exercise class, and saying no to eating overtly portioned carbohydrate filled meals. But it’s work that I really think I’m willing to put in, precisely because I’m ready for a change of pace. And within some years I’ll be ready for that special man to enter my life. But before then I want to settle in with me, my dreams, a higher self-esteem, and a complete love and satisfaction with self.



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This past week has been one for the books. In combination with the amazing weather which has boosted my happy and satisfaction with life’s happenings I have had some not so bright moments. In life there are those instances, situations, and relationships that come along and attempt to dim your light. These things or people that do this can make you feel so down as if life isn’t the gift that it is and as if you aren’t the star that you are. You may be one of billions of people around the world but you are the only you. And your path that has already been set forth by God can’t be altered by other people even if they try to make you believe they have that power over your life. You have to find the strength and courage within yourself and those positive things in your life to motivate you to fight to keep your power. Because you have so much.

I have analyzed this past week and come to the conclusion that I was created with care and put on this earth for a specific purpose and no one and no thing can take away from that unless I release my power, and give up my ability to choose. Today I choose life and love, the most beautiful gifts on this earth. And I choose to use my freewill to live my best life because I will be the only one to blame if I let my life be spent doing anything else. I know that trials will continue to come because that’s just a part of life but I don’t have to give anyone else the opportunity or power to dim my light. Because my light is not theirs to dim. What in life has attempted to dim your light?